text me. i'm stranded in Wal-Mart.......and the oreos may be all that sustains me.

((( First off let me just say that I hope none of you reading this were hurt or incurred any damage from the storms over the weekend. And if so, my prayers are with you. But with that said, I must tell my storm story.....because all the therapists say it's good to open up and share. :) )))

So, that was my motto for Saturday. Yep.....due to tornado warnings, I was stranded in the shoe department of Wally World for almost two hours.

And they don't even have good shoes.

I did see some new "jellies" on the girls aisle......that brings back memories of sticky, slimy, dirt-ladden, stinky feet from 1984. I think I had a pair in every color. Who in their right mind thought plastic shoes were a good idea? And who in their right mind decided it was a good idea to bring them back?

Anyway, I had almost completed the entire shopping floor circuit when the announcement was made. "We need all shoppers to go to the back of the store. All shoppers go to the back of the store. We also need all cashiers to close their lanes, and report to the back of the store."

My shopping cart was on the last frozen food aisle, almost to the produce area.....which is my last stop. They say hindsight is 20/20......well, if only I hadn't dawdled so much trying to decided how many flavors of dippin' dots I should bring home to my children.........I could have escaped.

But, I did not. So, I was sent back with all the other shoppers. To the back of the store. Ordered to stand in only the designated areas.....between shoes and crafts.

We weren't allowed to wander the store or to continue shopping even in the back area, we had to stay put. Safety regulations and all. Let me say, there are lots of interesting folks who frequent the wal-mart on saturday afternoon. Lots. I love people watching. I am a rebel. So, I ventured down the shoe aisles, over to the craft section, and twice told them I had to use the bathroom, just to see what those huddled over by cameras were doing.

And all the while, I was texting people I love....people I knew would try their best to carry on a conversation with me, via a type pad, just to pass the time. One of which, was my husband. He gave me storm updates. He also tried to provide humor with texts like this.. "If something happens will wal mart pay us?"

No, but when I get home, you are gonna wish the tornado or an alien spaceship had sucked me up and displaced me far far away from you! And this one... "don't let the cold melt". Sure thing Einstein....I should have made a quick run over to outdoor/sporting goods to grab a styrofoam cooler before I was summoned to the back of the store. If only you would have been here to keep me straight. If only.

One was my sister, she told me she "didn't want to gloat, but they were about to sit down and eat Boston Butt, potato salad, cole slaw and wickles". Thanks, sis. I am starving, as I was here buying some items to cook and bake for supper, as well as church fellowship meal, and book club meeting. Which reminds me of the food I have in my cart. So, I truck back over to where I left my cart....back by the hiring center kiosk, near the bathrooms.....and decide I must open up my box of Triscuits. So, I do. With navy shirt, khaki pant wearing employees all around. And I dare them to stop me.

And then, all these little people start showing their phones with the tornado pictures their family and friends are sending them. So, wow, there really was a tornado in our area. Imagine that. And I assume, with it having passed, the check out lanes will re-open and life will be normal again.

When will I ever learn, life is never normal for me. The manager makes this announcement: "The first storm has passed, there was a confirmed tornado in it, and there is another storm coming behind it. I cannot make you stay here, so you are free to leave the store now, if you want. However, we are still under tornado warning and as such, I cannot open the check out lanes, so you cannot be checked out before you leave. And if you stay, you must remain here at the back of the store, there will be no shopping, either....and we will be here until at least 6:20....which is when they estimate the warning to be lifted."

Allrightythen. After just spending 40 minutes with my dearest wal-mart friends, huddled by the light up tennis shoes, I'm not sure I can take anymore. With that announcement, realizing it will be another hour before we are released......I panic. And go back to my buggy for the hard stuff, none of this healthy-fiber-triscuit mess. Desperate times call for desperate measures. If the tornado gets me, I'm at least going to have a smile on my face. I pull out the DOUBLE STUFF OREOS. And proceed to walk the shoe aisles offering them to anyone who is in need. Beleive it or not, I had several takers. Two employees who had missed their "break" due to our storm dilema, and a mother/daughter twosome who made me laugh.

They had already bought their supper time groceries at another store and only stopped in here to buy the shrimp.......because "PawPaw insisted he wanted steak and shrimp". They called their loved ones to tell them the news of our impending release, which was to be an hour away, and PawPaw announced he was coming down to the parking lot to get the steaks out of their car.

Forget the tornado, a man has to eat.

At any rate, we did survive the lock down of '09. And all that was harmed was my Reddi Whip, cream cheese, crescent rolls, cottage cheese and hot dogs (because I'm still supporting the pig farmers).

At 6:20, we heard the beloved announcement over the loud speakers. And I sent out this text to everyone who had kept me sane by texting me back during the almost 2 hour stand-off...:

"Praise the Lord, they are releasing the masses. We are free to shop again. Dairy aisle here I come."

And so I did. I exchanged all my cold goods, which were now lukewarm, for some fresh. And rushed my way to the front for check out, only stopping to grab one of every kind of dippin' dots in stock. Because clearly, it had been a hard experience for me and my children back home, whom I'm certain were in such fear for their mom. (They were in the basement, playing with nerf guns, oblivious to my situation.)

I was just waiting for my good friend who shall remain anonymous (hello, Jill) to text me back and say....."that's what you get for shopping at Wal-Mart." But she refrained.

Let me just say, if you ever see the threat of storms coming to your area, and are at a loss of things to do for fun on Saturday afternoon, and enjoy the amazing characters visible when you stop to people watch......the shoe aisle at the back of Wal-Mart is the place to be. Just be sure to get your box of oreos first. Double Stuff. It's worth it.