Christmas at the Lake...with the Tyners....all 3000 of them.

Tyners.....they are a fertile bunch. We have a lot of Tyner Family cousins. You want me to count them......okay......um, well, let's see, there's over 60, how's that? And even more if you count the in-laws....and some have been married so long, we forget they aren't blood related. (Hello, Kim Tyner, Linda Tyner, & Dick Helms).

We always have the best time with family....and it is so good to see everyone each year at Christmas and July 4th. Fun times, great memories. We had reservations for 28 on Friday night at Finchers Restuarant near the lakehouse. And then all of those people slept at the lakehouse that night. Yep. 28 folks. All in a bed or on a couch, or a few on a bean bag with a blanket too. :)

Then on Saturday, the rest of the crowd converged and including several friends and others, like 3rd cousins twice removed or whathaveyou, we had a big time. I would guess-timate that there were close to 80 folks there to eat and enjoy the fellowship of family.

Here's a real sweetie, a cousin from South Carolina......Sweet Robyn. Her name is actually Kimberly Robyn......she's named after me, her favorite cousin. Okay, so I just lied. She's really named after her mother, Kim Tyner. Are you confused yet? :)

Robyn will be the first in the family to make a "doctor"---graduating from Dental School in May. She's smart. And beautiful. And apparently flosses her teeth well....because they look fantastic!

And here, well this little gal hails from the great state of South Carolina too......but that Alfred Hitchcock fan beside her drug her across the border years ago........and we haven't forgiven him since. He's nice, really, he is. As far as canadians go, anyway. :) Just kidding, Graham, you are an awesome cousin. It's exciting to say "I have family in Ontario".......I just wish Ontario happened to be closer to Alabama, that's all.

Tiff and I have been close cousins for years.....she became the ultimate cousin along about Christmas of 1983. She brought down a couple bags of hand-me-downs, as usual, except one bag had a rabbit fur coat in it. Yes mam, it was like Santa had visited me all over again. A hand-me-down rabbit fur coat......what more was there to covet in 1983?

I'm gonna dig around and see if I can't find a good photo of us back then......maybe even one wearing the fur coat.

Here's that sweet Robyn again & her cutie patootie of a fiance, Randy. He's such a nice young man. Mainly because he always says I'm pretty and still cool at my age. Either he's sweet, or he secretly drinks, and has no idea what he's really saying. :)

• The next time we see this pair they will be saying...."I do." Yet another moment to be together with family and make some more memories. Can't wait, guys. Although, Robyn, I just don't know how you will look any better on your wedding day than you do every other day of the year.
  To all my Tyner Family.......you are the greatest. Thanks for making the Holidays more complete with a round of cards, a glass of wine, and a few dozen tall tales to spread the cheer til next time......and I can hardly wait.....til next time.
  

Christmas Scenes too funny not to share......

Seriously.....can she put the cat down long enough to see what Santa brought???????

Rivers opening up a real crowd pleaser for the young men.......AXE body deoderant...Hurricane scent. Please notice the excitement on his face........over a $2 can of deoderant. Please, if I knew that was all it took......it would have saved me lots of money and time.....searching for that just right gift!

Walt....with his spray deoderant.....ICE scent......oh the coveted bottle he has dreamed of since that night in the football locker room when one of the "big" guys on the vasrsity team gave him his near empty can. All I can say is look out girls, I hope you like his smell. Although by 3:00 this afternoon, he was so soaked in it, he reminded me of Peppy Le Pew.

The kids had been about to bust trying to figure out what these big, odd-shaped wrapped gifts were under the tree for all three of them. And the excitement grew even more when I told them they were not from the USA. They tried to guess when and where Temple and I went out of the country to purchase Christmas presents.

Mind-Boggling. It's a gift I give freely. :)

A good friend and former worker of Temple's, bought these for the children.....true, authentic, Mexican sombreros. It was the only thing we were lacking to have a bullfight.....now let the fiesta begin! Bring on el Torro!!

My Three Christmas Morning Amigos

Walt admitted to having torn a little of his paper a few days before Christmas and seeing something bright blue and shiny and sequin-y.....and he said he thought it was something from PARIS? Where he forms these ideas? I have no clue. But if you are ever traveling abroad, and do ever see a bright aqua sombrero with silver shiny sequins in the city of LOVE, I'm sure you will think about him.

• And then finally.....a classic Christmas toy. And the one, out of the 328 items received this Christmas, they have played with the most........ SLINKY. Again, a $3 purchase......by now, had I only bought them deoderant spray and slinkies....I could have saved a house payment.
  

The annual Christmas morning photo.......

I know, I know. It's Christmas morning and my boys are shirtless. And one of them is in shorts. But it's Alabama. And although it says Christmas on our calendar......there's no snow white picture here in the south.....instead, it's a balmy 63 degrees.

Silent Night, Holy Night.......

Yes, I love that song. A Christmas favorite. This weekend while practicing with the children at church for the short Christmas Program they presented on Sunday night, I really studied the words. First off, because there are some hard phrases for younger kids to sing....I'm talking about 5, 6, 7 and 8 year olds.....And even then the older kids from Sunday school may have had a hard time as well. And although it was just precious as they stood in front of the church and offered their voice in song, I doubt very seriously any of them on stage truly understood the meaning behind the words they belted out.

Which is another reason why I was really studying it. I love the phrases located within it, chosen to bring to life that very night, so long ago. Words like these....."Silent Night, Holy Night, Son of God, Love's pure light". Because isn't it the truth.....He is love's pure light.

Have you ever noticed a baby when their mother or father walks into a room....having stepped aside momentarily......what happens? At the first glimpse of their parent, their caregiver, the one who loves them more than anything in the world.....the child's face will automatically just "light" up! (Kind of like back in 1984 when you got that glo-worm for Christmas and you squeezed it!) :):) Seriously, You know what I'm talking about. You have seen it. I know many of you have experienced it firsthand. It is one of the most wonderful sights to see. The love a child holds.....pure love.....pure light in their eyes, showing this love.

That picture is what I have in my head as I read those words in Silent Night. The Savior's sweet face being all lit up.....in fact in one verse it even says..."radiant beams from thy holy face". Radiant beams, indeed.

He is the purest love we will ever know. The purest love we can ever even hope to know. And my prayer is that you know that love......"son of God, love's pure light".

From our home to yours......

I am so enjoying the quietness right now.....listening to the kids sleep.....getting ready for Santa's arrival.....Christmas music playing softly in the background.....and the beauty of the tree (before the calamity hits in just a few short hours and wrapping paper, boxes, wires, small legos, barbie shoes, etc.etc.etc....are strewn all over the floor!!!)


One of my most. absolute. favorite. parts of this special season are receiving all the wonderful Christmas cards in the mail. E-mail and blogs may be a great thing, but nothing beats a letter in the ole mailbox. You get to hold it in your hands. Pure joy. I also love to send out our Christmas cards.....it's a blessing to remember everyone as I sit down to address them all....which almost left my hand in a constant cramp after about 214 envelopes this year.....all I can say is Thank the Lord for self-seals.
We have been blessed with receiving over 100 cards this year.......I bet you can even find yours somewhere on our entryway. We have had to start using the inside facing of the entryway due to such volume....but honey, I'll start pasting them all over my walls if I run out of room!

How do you display your cards? I'm game for any ideas y'all may have for displaying Christmas cards......send 'em my way, and I'll work on a better plan for next year.

• And now, I only have one thing left to say before I turn in for the night and wait to see what Santa brings....... That's right....from our home down in the deep south.....MERRY CHRISTMAS Y'ALL!!

(I love my plate Elizabeth gave me for my birthday!)

Gag gifts are always the best.....

So, we (my brother, sister and the in-laws) decided at the Thanksgiving table this year to buy each other gag gifts......a grand idea......and after many inside jokes had been discussed at the table, we drew names. And the fun began.

My brother is NOTORIOUS for sometimes buying off brand (translated into the cheapest) food products....specifically in the snack area, such as chips, cokes, dips, cookies, etc.etc.

Like, for example, if we cook hamburgers on the grill and tell him to bring chips and drinks, we must be VERY specific. Otherwise, he's likely to show up with a bag of brightly colored foil with the word POTATO CHIPS written in large print on the front and something orange in a 2 liter bottle that says ORANGE SODA on the outside....or better yet, the brown 2 liter that says COLA.

Occasionally they will also have a piggly wiggly logo on there as well. Now, I'm not knocking "The Pig".....you can buy some good groceries there, but let me just say their chips and drinks do not hold a candle to say some other NAME BRANDS....for just a few pennies more you can buy something that everyone will enjoy like Lays, Ruffles, Golden Flake, Coke, Pepsi, Mt. Dew, Sunkist.

So, this year, I gave him a bag chocked full of TOTALLY NAME BRAND snacks. Family size bags of REAL HONEST TO GOODNESS potato chips.....even fancy flavored ones. Branch out a little....see what life has to offer besides a 78 cent bag of genericness.

Karisa had drawn Temple's name this year. I nicknamed him "Mr. Wikipedia".....because, well, (I'm trying to be nice here) let's just say, he knows a lot of stuff. She gave him a trivia book.....and also said she had a little present in her bag for him that she was certain he needed help in, because he didn't actually know everything.....and here he is laughing it up when he pulls it out.

So, you wanna see what was so dadgum funny........here it is......the "Mom Mood Monitor". To which much laughter was heard by all when he showed the box. Apparently it is this magnet thing that I am supposed to put my thumb on and the color reveals my mood.....then he or the children are to place the appropriate sticker to the magnet to alert the masses.

Geez, sis, I thought the whole idea behind a gag gift was to make the joke be on them....why did you have to go pickin' on me? What'd I ever do? :) Never mind, don't answer that.

And here is the gift Temple gave Kevin...........some lovely hair products. Comb-Thru texturizer and some maximum strength SUPER GRO hair and scalp conditioner......I think we beat Santa to his wish list. He really seemed to like his presents.....and even used some of his pomemade before the night was over.

And I couldn't let it slide without giving Dad a gag gift too......maybe you'll see him sporting this new shirt around town sometime......

"I'M ONE LUMP SHORT OF A COALMINE."

Who knows, Dad, by Christmas morning you may get that last lump yet.

Times with family are terrific......fantastic memories that will last even longer than the Christmas fruitcake. Now, see, wasn't all that better than getting a pair of pajama bottoms, a flashlight or a nice sweater vest?

SATURDAY SHOWCASE.....

They say a picture can speak a thousand words.....or something like that anyway.

Well, these photos are only saying one thing.......Granny's chocolate cake batter is bowl licking good!!!!!!!!

Christmas Photos with their Teachers

Also, here's Tyner Beth at their school reindeer walk through town.....

Sadie's version of the FELINE FIASCO of '08

Once upon a time.....

..... there was a beautiful Labrador named Sadie....who lived out in the woods with a nice family, who had children who played heartily with her, a mother who doted on her, and a father who bank rolled her expensive vet bills. All was well in the land of dog.

• Until one dark blustery night, quite out of the blue, the family arrived home with this dreaded creature.....

Sadie: "What?.....Have you people lost your mind?......THAT, my human friends, is nothing less than a CAT.....a wolf in sheeps clothing, if you will. What in tarnation possesed you to bring such a filthy animal into THIS house?.....throw it out with the morning trash, and I won't have to bother with even getting up...thankyouverymuch."

Sadie: "Seriously, you're actually considering letting Tyner Beth keep THAT thing?"

Sadie: " Nah, you're just joking around, right? I get it, a little canine/feline humor, jokes on Sadie....I get it, that's a good one....now get rid of the rodent."

Later on in the story........
........They all settle down for a good night's rest in hopes that the new dawn will bring about new attitudes for everyone. "Mr. Jingles" is confined to the bathroom and "Sadie" is confined to the laundry room. And only one creature at a time can be let out to roam the humble abode at will.


However, the masters decide that some serious acclimation procedures have to be introduced. And thus, a cage is bought for Mr. Jingles. Who is then brought out from his holding cell (the half bath) and put in the cage in the middle of the bedroom floor. Then very carefully, we release the beast from the laundry room and stand back, waiting for the knockout punch of round 1.

Mr. Jingles: "Help, Help....there's a giant dog sniffing my cage!!!"

Sadie: "So, let me get this straight. Now you want me to pretend like I don't want to eat it because it's behind bars?...You humans are just too much."

Sadie: "I know, I'll use my laser green eyes and sear right through that pesky little cage...."

Sadie: "See, I knew it......his butt stinks......move. him. out."

Mr. Jingles: "Watch out DAWG.....as soon as my parole pardon comes through, I'm coming after you and your limp-legged self......it's really no fun taking down a 3-legged dog, where's the challenge?"

Sadie: "Come on, Mom, enough is enough.....let him out of the cage. I just want to play with him."

Sadie: "Listen here, little man, ask yourself this question...."do you really wanna piece of me?"

Sadie: "You little pipsqueak. That litle claw through the cage trick ain't gonna work on me. I am so. over. you.! But let me tell you one thing.....if they ever, I mean EVER let you out.....you better run like the wind, cause eye-liner drag kittens just happen to be my favorite Yuletide snack."

Mom: "Sadie.....Sadie girl.....look at the camera."

Sadie: "Mom, just go away. I can't take it anymore. I don't know who you people are anymore. I thought it was different between us, I thought what we had was special.....but I guess I was wrong. Things just aren't the same and I need some time to think things through."

Sadie: "Oh, Lord, be still my soul, I can't take much more. It's torture.....no, I'll tell you what it is...it's cat hell on earth. I think I'm gonna have to lay down for a long winter's nap....and maybe, just maybe, IT will be gone when I open my eyes from slumber. Tell Santa to bring on the visions of sugarplums to dance in my head....I need a diversion from all these cat nightmares."

• Just wake me when IT chokes on a hairball.
  

In a faraway land there once lived a cat......

I am going to give my best effort at making this story short, because there is another version of the tale that will soon be told, by our dog.

While in Tennessee this weekend, Aunt Elizabeth and Tyner Beth concocted a plan for Tyner Beth to meet a 6 month old kitten. As it seems, a friend of Aunt Elizabeth had rescued this cat a few weeks ago from the town square. It had been bitten by a dog. Please make a mental note of that....it had been bitten by a dog. Got it. Good. Now let's continue.....

Aunt Elizabeth arranges for a "preview" of the feline......and the friend plans to bring him over for a visit with Tyner Beth. A meet and greet, if you will. Only, the friend can't make it over on Saturday, so, the friend comes to Nana's Christmas Open House around 4:00 on Sunday afternoon. Aunt Elizabeth isn't there because she is finishing up at the matinee of The Nutcracker. But, we call her to come on over, A.S.A.P. (Believe me, that abbreviation has NEVER been more true since it's existence.)

Did you know for YEARS Tyner Beth has wanted a cat. For years, people. And she's only been alive for seven. And did you know that we have turned her down....on several occasions. In fact, we have turned down her aunt and uncles, friends and other family relatives that have tried to give her a cat, buy her a cat, offer a birthday or christmas gift as such, etc. etc........

I even think on one occasion, while trick or treating, a friend put one in her candy bag. Which we promptly threw back into their yard before departing. Thanks, friend.

You see, we have a rule......a ONE PET at a time rule. It was brought about for many reasons, to name a few.....because a) Rivers wanted a hamster once.....not happening, b) Walt wanted a ferret once.....not happening, and c) Tyner Beth always wants a puppy or kitten.....again, not happening. And the rule is even more in effect right now, because Sadie is a jealous canine. She loves people, and is friendly to them. But doesn't make friends so easily with others in the animal world. That's an understatement. Let's just cut to the chase here........she doesn't make friends with them, because there is no time. She eats them.

It's what she does. We live in the woods, she chases, captures, hunts, and often kills the animals that live in the neighboring woods. She has left us countless prizes outside the front and back doors of her chipmunks & rabbits. She has certainly put a dent in their population. I honestly don't know how the Easter Bunny has survived.

Sadie is also very territorial. She doesn't really want to give up her time with the family. And anything that cuts into that time, well, they have to pay the consequences. So, therefore, for all these reasons, and more, we invoke the ONE PET AT A TIME RULE. Below, I give you photos from this grueling "preview" session....where sadly we had to invoke the rule, yet again.

Tyner Beth...stroking the cute kitty.

Here she is informing me of how he must be our cat because.....hello????, his collar matches our guest bedroom. Yes, I bet you too, have always wanted a cat with a collar that matched your guest bedroom. And this is how decisions should be made. On the matching color of a collar. Please.

And, here she is pleading her case over with Mimi.....who, by the way, was actually on her side too. Mimi informed Temple and I that she was a "cat connisseur"....and this was an absolutely wonderful cat. Not only was it good natured, but just the cutest thing ever. "Why, just look at that face, it's the cutest thing ever, he looks like he has eye-liner on." Great.....just what we need. A cat who dresses in drag.

And here is where the bubble was burst, the party was over, the gig was up.......right about the moment that Temple said he was afraid Sadie would kill the kitty if we take him home. So therefore, the answer is no. Not a real stern NO, but more of a slightly subdued, sympathetic no. But, just like your momma always said, NO or no, means No.

Let the crying commence. So, she cried. And clearly, her heart was broken over the feline fiasco of '08. But, in my mind, I'm thinking......thank you Lord for allowing Temple the good mind to know we don't need a cat at the house.....despite what heart strings are pulled, sometimes, you just have to be the adult and put your foot down. Hard. And it breaks some hearts. But they mend.

And then, for what seemed like hours---oh, wait, it was hours, everyone kept talking about it. Saying things out loud like:

• "I've never seen anyone who wanted a cat more than Tyner Beth."
• "Every little girl should have a cat in their lifetime"
• "He is such a good kitten, look how he lets you just hold him like a baby"
• "And he just purrs like a motor all the time"
• "And he's the CUTEST little thing ever"
• "Look at his marking on his legs, his tail, his face, etc"
• "You would never find another cat that was this good again"
• And at one point in the evening, Mimi, Temple's 83 year old grandmother, looked him square in the face and without a drop of sarcasm said....."I'm sorry Temple, I know we aren't helping matters, but you just really don't stand a chance."

The honesty you get to bestow on situations when you turn 83 is astounding. I cannot wait for that age. :)



So, after 2 hours of mulling over the idea.....going over the rules in our head....accessing the situation from EVERY standpoint known to our family dynamics and knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that we DO NOT NEED A CAT...... mysteriously, after loading the car, and packing up some delicious leftover goodies from Nana's kitchen.....I heard Temple shout, "okay, my little, you can have the cat"


.......we came home from Tennessee with a 6 month old kitten, a bag of litter, a litter box, a bag of food, a food and water bowl, a kitty house, a kitty toy, a wellness book and various and sundry other items all packed neatly in the bag from the very gracious friend of Aunt Elizabeth.



There it is in a nutshell. It was a lot of drama. Did I mention that neither Temple nor myself have a real fondness to cats....even cute eye-liner drag queen kittens?

In the words of Yoda.....a cat lover, I am not. Okay, so maybe Yoda has never said that, but I bet he would....especially if some clone or sith was trying to coerce him into bringing a cat into his Jedi force.

• However.....here is a definite CAT LOVER.

So, we have a cat to add to the mix. His name is "Mr. Jingles". And we traded in the "matching guest bedroom collar" for a nice blue one with a jingle bell on it. Because, 'tis the season. And although I am no cat lover, I am certainly no grinch.

Tyner Beth is in hog, or rather kitty cat, heaven. And we are praying that "Mr. Jingles" doesn't have to go to the real cat heaven anytime soon. Sadie is needing therapy worse than anyone, as you can imagine. We are trying our hardest to acclimate the two of them to each other and keep the peace. I'll keep you posted on how it goes. We've called in the experts, and used the resources of the internet.......but, really, it's a big dog vs. a small cat. You do the math.

Did I ever tell all of you that Tyner Beth's name is really Tyner ELIZABETH. I'm sure you could have figured that out all on your own. But did you know she has a namesake. Wanna guess who? Her Aunt Elizabeth. We used that name on her birth certificate for the character it would give our daughter, the story she would have to tell her grandchildren one day about her wonderful, sweetheart of an Aunt, her Daddy's only sister, that she was named after. Because we love Aunt Elizabeth that much. Or loved her that much at one time.....back in 2001 when I gave birth. Back in the land of NO CATS.

I called the courthouse earlier and did you know that you can have your name changed for like $20 bucks. So, what sounds well with Tyner? :)