And to think it seems like yesterday that I brought him home from the hosptial.....

• I have just returned from dropping my firstborn off at Spring Training for Football. High School Football.

I'm going to give you a second to re-read that last sentence. Slowly. Give it time to really sink in.

His father gave him this advice this morning....."listen to your coach. you will be running a lot today. in this heat. you're gonna want to throw up. i mean it's going to be a lot of running, and you will probably throw up. it will be hard, and you think you won't make it through. the simple fact is, you're going to be running so much and it will be so hot, and you definitely WILL throw up....but just keep running."

Boy, if that's a pep talk, I can assure you I want no part of Spring Training. Seriously. At any rate, I dropped off that little precious son of mine that came forth from my womb so many years ago.

Although the distance in metric measurement is very short from point A (where I picked him up from his school) to point B (where I dropped him off to be fed to the wolves), it felt like a hundred miles to me. I kept thinking in my head......surely, this can't be happening. Surely, someone will stop me and say, "hey, he's not old enough for that, he's just a mere child, a babe you swaddled......"

I also thought twice about circling the joint like a buzzard. You know, just to scope it out and make sure it seemed child-proof.....or mother-tolerant. But, I fought the urge to embarass the boy child. Instead, I pulled up and tried to smile, just as I did when I took him for his first day of school.

I smiled, then and now, not because I wanted to. Not at all because I wanted to. Nothing inside of me wanted to. Not then, or now. I did it because I love him.

I did it in Kindergarten because I wanted him to know it was all going to be alright. See?....momma is smiling, so things must be okay. It must be okay to go in this classroom and make new friends, and eat lunch in the cafeteria, and walk down that long hallway. I smiled back then. And waited until my back was turned, until I had retreated to the confined space of my 2 ton vehicle....and I cried like a baby.

He was fine. That first day and every day thereafter. He didn't need to retreat to a SUV for cover.

Today, I smiled again. But this time, it wasn't for his sake. Today it was for my own. I smiled to make myself believe that it would be alright. He would be alright. The world will be fine if I make it through this first day of release. And although I wanted to hug him up so tightly---just right there where he sat in that passenger seat--I opted to give him "knuckles" instead.

I may be a sappy momma, but I'm not stupid. He's going to Spring Training for Football. High School football. And big momma kisses in front of the football crew just didn't seem like it would benefit my young fellow in the long run. Because, the boys. The big boys. The ones that outweigh him by more than double. The shoulder pads, the helmets, the steel cleats........it's all making me a tad light-headed just writing it down now. So, I must stop.

I will try to offer an update.....if I'm not locked in the crazy ward by the time practice is over. I assume, he will be like all the other boys who have gone through it every Spring before, since the history of football........he will survive.

I, however, may not.

And just so you know.....I am not out running, in the heat. In fact, I'm sitting with my feet propped up in this nice 68 degree climate controlled room. But I still feel pretty sure---I'm about to throw up.